With help with my husband, things are getting better, for one of our Christmas gifts we spent overnight in a nice hotel and it was the best medicine for me. When I got home though I was getting anxious, not sure if I can do it, but my hubby has given me strength and has been the best man on earth for me.
I have been happy, the medication I'm on seems to work for the most part but there will be moments still where I get UHG! It's so hard I understand with others that have depression, it's like in a deep hole that you can't climb out. I hate it.
I haven't been able to do any drawing for I've been so depressed, also Christmas I didn't get a laptop or a computer so I'm still stuck with nothing to do but taking care of kids.
I have to manage to pen drawn these a while ago, it's been so long since I did a blog post that I don't remember when I did these. I know it was before Thanksgiving, wow that was a long time ago. It's now almost New Years and it's possible that I might have to get a knee surgery which I'm not looking forward too, for how can I walk with kids around and a have a baby to take care of. I don't know what I'm going to do but it looks like I really need it.
I have been having knee problems since I was ten, I dance all the time and took ballet lessons along with Jazz, lyrical, and a little hip-hop. Ballet is my favorite type of dance, but since my knee keeps popping out I had to stop and it still happens even when I'm not dancing, it happened when I was sitting down on a bus, walking to a door, walking with my hubby, and the last time it happens just recently was while I was putting blankets away.
It hurts like crazy, this last time hurt the worst, I usually can limb on it to get around right after it happens but this time I couldn't put any pressure on it. It hurt so bad, I called my mom and ask for help to get my baby for I couldn't move, each time I try putting pressure on it it would pop out again. It was worst of the worst, my hubby took me to the ER and the gave me pain meds and told me I need to do an MRI scan.
I can see why people can get addictive on pain meds for I was truly happy, I haven't felt that happy in a long time and it felt great, from being so depressed all the time the moment I felt happy I was able to get things done and felt so grateful about it. The pain in my knee was gone and I was able to walk on air.
It didn't last long but that moment felt great.
At the moment of being depressed, it felt really hard to stay alive, I wasn't suicidal or anything just don't want to continue on. I really should change the wording to "What's hard about life?" and Whitney answers, "Living," I think that would be better saying.
I got my MRI scan done and saw the knee doctor and apparently, there's nothing holding my knee cap so I need surgery. Oh boy, not looking forward to that.
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