Saturday, September 21, 2019

I'm So Conflicted HELP!

I am conflicted on what to do, I have been seeing adds about graphic school and what potential it can do for me improve my art and my comic books, I just been really thinking about it but don't know if I should. I just feel like this is something I really want to do, I wish I did when I was 22 for I could have started college then, my hubby was going to the college that I wanted to go for graphic class and he was doing nursing, I could have started it. But I was a chicken cause when I did try going to school at a different school that did accept me before my mission at age 19, they asked me to take the test again and when I did they asked if I can do it again for the score is so bad.

Nope, that's all I had. I kept hitting brick walls and just felt like giving up. When I was working at DI they kept asking me if there was something I wanted to do, like going to school and such, I didn't know if I never thought of trying to go to school for I failed at that. But now I wish maybe I should have told them I want graphic design. It could really help me to figure out my comics and animation and such as I know that's what I want.

I don't know why when I was 22 I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't know who I wanted to be, or what to do with my life. I did know that I wanted to accomplish my books, for since I was 14 I drew, I drew everywhere I went and did, school, vacation, I get so excited to draw my books and it was all I wanted to do. It stopped while I was on my mission for it wasn't a priority, I could only draw while I was writing in my journal. I had a sketchbook but the mission was so strict on not doing your hobbies for we have no time for that, and that killed me. I did enjoy my mission but after 17 months I am done with that stress, it was so strict.

When I came home I was different and try to draw again. But for some reason it was different, I had my sketchbook where ever I went but wouldn't draw in it, it soon happened that I stopped bring my sketchbook everywhere I went and actually started enjoying being around friends and family activities.
Drawing in a sketchbook.

I tried to go to school but like I said kept hitting brick walls, didn't know what I wanted to do, for I did try going for art but she told me to do generals, and generals told me to go back to art and I failed the test, so much money to earn credit it wasn't worth it. I try to draw here and there but honestly, I got too confused if I wanted to keep doing that.

I found my hubby so that distracted me for a while, but after we got married I tried to work and for some reason still wouldn't pick up my sketchbook to draw, I just didn't feel like it, still got confused if it will be a thing in the future.
Tried coloring with colored pencils, it's ok the first attempt.


Once I became a mom I got bored, time was slow and taking a baby is hard but I felt like I can do something else. I tried getting a job but didn't help the boredom for I was babysitting someone I know kids and felt like I can be doing something else. Once I got my first tablet I felt that boredom is lifted. While my kid slept I draw, it took a while to figure out how to draw on a tablet for I was using too a sketchbook, but once I got used to it my tablet stopped working. Now I probably can figure out what happened to it but at the moment I couldn't get it to fix so I was in this anger depression, for my boredom came back and it was driving me crazy.
UG! What to do with myself??


Luckily my friend got me an expensive new tablet and I was back into the business and enjoyed it. Started my book and still trying to finish it now, and now I am conflicted if I should improve it by going to school or not, just keep learning myself. Also conflicted if I should work again, cause money is something we need and I could help. But the problem is I tried that and was passing out for no reason, so I am scared to try again.  I do have an opportunity to try It Works but I don't even know if I will make money out of it.
When my laptop stopped working I tried improvising for I wanted to continue to draw comics at least, I couldn't work on my book but at least I got myself to do other things. Life is so hard, especially when I had a really bad case of postpartum depression, it was so hard to stay alive and all I wanted to do is be done with it. I didn't necessarily want to kill myself I just didn't want to live in it anymore you know what I mean?
I really tried to do art while my laptop was broken, this was an old art I did when I was like 18 and posted it on Instagram hoping to continue to get followers. I don't know how to get more followers and likes for my stuff but I don't want to stop doing it. If you guys know the trick let me know.

I have done a few requests for people and they seem to like it, so I would love to a request for you for ten dollars, I don't know if I will charge it for ten but we can talk about it if you would like one of anything, favorite show, movie, game whatever. Just message me on facebook or Instagram. 

This was a request for a friend and she uses it for her YouTube channel icon, it's one of my favorite works.


The top and bottom ones for the same person, she loved the unicorn one that she requested another picture of a fairy and an angel. If this is something that happened as a lot I will charge at least ten dollars, I then ten is a good amount wouldn't you think?




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