Hey Guess what???

Hey, guess what? GUESS WHAT!?!? GUESS WHAT?!?! GUESS WHAT?!?!

Guess what I got today as a late Christmas gift? A laptop. Yep I finally got a new laptop, the only problem is it's a Chromebook kind of laptop so I don't know if I can download my tablet to it, do you guys know how I still can? I can get all the help I can get so I can work on my story again.

Yet again I am depressed, I don't know how I can fight this depression, some days are better than others, I am mainly tired, for the medication makes you sleepy. I just feel like I'm running out of options to help my depression. Do you guys have suggestions? I am on pills, taking walks, going out, talking to my mom, sisters, and been eating chocolate. I hate this depression, it really does feel like I am in a deep hole and I can't get out.

If you have depression, I feel for you, I have never experienced something like this, and this long. With my first kid, I had postpartum but it was from lack of sleep, each time I get the sleep I feel so much better. This time around I get to sleep but I just get angrier and just want to roar my emotions and also cry a pool of tears. I get no motive to do anything, not even to take care of my kids but I know I have too. It stinks, I don't like it, I miss the days when I was happy all the time and was able to get things done without hesitation and such. This postpartum has killed me.

But don't get me wrong, I adore my kids, I love them to death I just have a hard time reacting to them when they are so adorable. Well not really, my first kid is a terrible two so she gets into everything. When I get so impatient I just put her in her room and let her cry so I can calm down. I rather do that than spank her, I don't really believe in spanking, my mom never spanks me but doesn't mean I wasn't a bad child I did destroy the house.

Anyways, I sure hope this postpartum will die off and I can be myself again, I am tired of feeling like this, I can't control my feelings it just happens I can feel it starting and I try to get rid of it before it gets worst but it seems to get worst no matter what I do.

So yeah I got a laptop but can't figure out how to download the tablet to it, if you guys know please tell me, and I'll share what I did so far in the second chapter before the other laptop died on me.

How to draw a Person

How to draw a Person is not complicated but is something to work on if you would like to draw one. As a kid, I love drawing but I remember how much I hated drawing noses, for real people noses are so hard to draw. When I was introduced to manga and anime their noses look so easy and it got me so excited for I felt like I didn't have to draw noses like how noses are supposed to be I can draw noses the easy way.

I think that's why I fall in love with Anime because how easy is to draw their noses, it took me a while to draw the eyes correctly or just to do it in a style I like, eyebrows was never a thing at first but later I figure everyone needs eyebrows, along with ears I never drew the ears but now I do. I think it's because I forget to draw them, but now it's a natural thing and something to always have.

Here's a Youtube Video of how to draw a person, I didn't exactly explain how to draw mainly show you how I draw them and explain a little bit what a person needs, that's really it.

Down here you can see how easy to draw a person's face, focus on their noses, it's so easy.

 

Yep, their noses are the key to have a great face, and so simple and easy. Now I can draw regular noses, it took me a while to do it but it is possible. I am drawing a story with real people and I do their noses regularly and it's a lot different than how I normally do but it's a challenge I'm willing to accept. It's a story by my sister and it's called 8 Year's, it's a good romance story and it's one of my favorite stories. My sister is a great writer, she has written so many stories and they are all so good. She and I have done stories together, we did Flower in the Dust, Gaining Altitude, Moon Princess, and Tear Drops. I know you know nothing of these stories I just mention, but hopefully, you will one day. I don't know if I'll ever finish Sweet and Sour for I don't have a proper computer, but I do hope I will. It's my dream. 

Help! I need some Help!

You guys I need help, my depression has gotten to the point where I have no desire to do anything, nothing. My motive to even clean the house is gone, and taking care of my kids, but I do don't worry I have zero patience for my kids but I still take care of them.

With help with my husband, things are getting better, for one of our Christmas gifts we spent overnight in a nice hotel and it was the best medicine for me. When I got home though I was getting anxious, not sure if I can do it, but my hubby has given me strength and has been the best man on earth for me.

I have been happy, the medication I'm on seems to work for the most part but there will be moments still where I get UHG! It's so hard I understand with others that have depression, it's like in a deep hole that you can't climb out. I hate it.

I haven't been able to do any drawing for I've been so depressed, also Christmas I didn't get a laptop or a computer so I'm still stuck with nothing to do but taking care of kids.

I have to manage to pen drawn these a while ago, it's been so long since I did a blog post that I don't remember when I did these. I know it was before Thanksgiving, wow that was a long time ago. It's now almost New Years and it's possible that I might have to get a knee surgery which I'm not looking forward too, for how can I walk with kids around and a have a baby to take care of. I don't know what I'm going to do but it looks like I really need it.

I have been having knee problems since I was ten, I dance all the time and took ballet lessons along with Jazz, lyrical, and a little hip-hop. Ballet is my favorite type of dance, but since my knee keeps popping out I had to stop and it still happens even when I'm not dancing, it happened when I was sitting down on a bus, walking to a door, walking with my hubby, and the last time it happens just recently was while I was putting blankets away. 

It hurts like crazy, this last time hurt the worst, I usually can limb on it to get around right after it happens but this time I couldn't put any pressure on it. It hurt so bad, I called my mom and ask for help to get my baby for I couldn't move, each time I try putting pressure on it it would pop out again. It was worst of the worst, my hubby took me to the ER and the gave me pain meds and told me I need to do an MRI scan.

I can see why people can get addictive on pain meds for I was truly happy, I haven't felt that happy in a long time and it felt great, from being so depressed all the time the moment I felt happy I was able to get things done and felt so grateful about it. The pain in my knee was gone and I was able to walk on air.

It didn't last long but that moment felt great.

At the moment of being depressed, it felt really hard to stay alive, I wasn't suicidal or anything just don't want to continue on. I really should change the wording to "What's hard about life?" and Whitney answers, "Living," I think that would be better saying.

I got my MRI scan done and saw the knee doctor and apparently, there's nothing holding my knee cap so I need surgery. Oh boy, not looking forward to that.

How to draw a Unicorn

Drawing animals, in general, is not my favorite thing, I'm not that good at it, but I feel like every time I go out Unicorn has been a big hit, or either than that my niece is in love with unicorns and I just notice how it's everywhere.

So I did drew a Unicorn poster for her birthday a few months ago, it was pin the Unicorn horn and when they were playing the game they didn't really get how to play it, but she adores the posters so that's all it matters.

If you watch this video you see how I did the unicorn poster and how I try to draw a unicorn, I feel like I failed for the unicorn body looks not good, so at the end I drew a Unicorn girl. My best at drawing a unicorn.

Being Famous

In High school when drawing my books has become a thing and how badly I want to publish my books, I want to be someone, someone that gets be known for something she did and get to perform on stage for I also have written songs that I would like to sing to the whole world even though I'm not that great of a singer I just like singing my songs. The point is I want to be famous, not totally famous to the point everyone wants to stalk me till I'm naked just famous enough, you know what I mean?

After I graduated from high school all I was doing is babysitting my nieces and nephews as a job and taking my brother and sister to Tae Kwon Doe, I remember one of the times I was picking them up I was sitting in the car just thinking what's happening to me right now and just bawled for I hated it, I didn't want any of this, I yelled "Is all I'm going to do is Babysit?!?" I didn't like it, I wanted to get my book published, get song albums published, I didn't want to babysit for the rest of my life.

I decided to try to go to college, for after a year from high school I was bored to tears. Which I never thought would happen for I did not like High school, but I needed to do something besides babysitting. So I tried to apply UVU and was accepted and before I could do anything else I was told that I could go on a mission at the age of 19, I was 19 right then and decided that's my destiny. I put college on hold and got ready to go on a mission.

I serve a full-time mission for the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for eighteen months and that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was also the most rewarding I have ever done. We set goals every day to find someone, help someone, serve someone, share someone, and so forth, I love it and hate it at the same time for the rules were super strict, we had to get up at 6:30 EVERY MORNING and be in bed at 10:30 EVERY NIGHT, and only have an hour for breakfast lunch and dinner, after the hour we had been out serving. That was tough and could only write letters and emails to my family on Mondays for an hour. Point being it was hard but yet worth it.

I couldn't necessarily draw my comics on my mission so I draw for people at night, and when I give them my picture they absolutely love it, for people love getting their picture done, I would also doodle in my journal.

When I got home from my mission I was completely lost, and I have explained this part of the story before so I make it short, basically I was lost, didn't know what to do for I did try going back to UVU but had to take the test again and once I did they ask if I can take it again and do it better for I would have to be in math class for years before I get any credit. I didn't want to be in school paying thousands of dollars for credit I'm not even getting till years later. So I didn't go to school.

I went back to babysitting but eventually found a man, dated, engage, married and now have two kids. But when I had my first kid I was bored to tears, time went by so slow and I was going insane. So I decided to do something about it, well took a long time but I got a tablet and a used laptop and started doing my book, comics, and animations. Now that my laptop is broken I'm doom, hopefully, for Christmas I'll get a new one.

I will still like to get my book published and get my songs into albums and be able to perform them on stage or get to the opportunity to sign my books to people that like them.

Since my laptop doesn't work I can't use my tablet, so I have been pen/pencil drawing.

how to draw a rose or Flowers in general

Do you like flowers? Flowers are pretty I like them, I use them a lot in my books in the backgrounds and such, especially in my story call Flower In the Dust, everyone has a personality of a flower. No just kidding but I like to draw them like a flower.

Anyways I learn on my own how to draw roses and other flowers, I use my manga books for help but besides that, I did it on my own, kind of figure it out.

There are so many different kinds of flowers, my favorite flower is a Sunflower for when I went on my mission for my church for eighteen months I served in Kansas Wichita and their state flower is Sunflower and I have learned a lot about Sunflowers and decided they are my favorite for a particular reason.

Sunflowers follow the sun when the sun rises they keep their heads towards the sun, I wrote a song inspired on that. I would love to sing it to you for it's one of my favorite songs I have written but I'll just write some of the lyrics, it mainly is about how we should all follow that sun instead of the dark but we also have to keep following the sun for their hypocrites and stiff necks, stiff necks don't follow the sun, sun is meaning God.

Sunflower

First Verse

We walk thru Darkness in Mid-day
it feels cold and no one Knows
I could never walk in their shoes
following the sun even at night
it can burn forever.

Chorus

Dimming Lights, holding pieces, we were bling so many times
not realizing where love can be found oh-oh oh-oh!

Second verse

Praising for four hours
then it's back to the mist of blackness
Watch out for hypocrites
watch out we will be stiff necks
no matter what if this
continues

Chorus

Last verse

I may never know what
will the future will be
or the present
all that I can know is the past
leads us a better place
if we follow the sun
all day

Postpartum Depression is Real

As you know (if you've been reading my posts) I am dealing with this depression since I had my last kid. It's horrible and I feel like a monster inside of me coming out. I've seen a doctor and got medication and they seem to work it took a while but yeah they work. I still feel it once in a while but I'm able to control it.

I made a short video about this Postpartum depression and since my laptop isn't working I had to improvise. I want to make videos still even though my laptop won't work, I'm using a different laptop it's my sisters for she has a new one but the problem is it's old and doesn't work as well, so I'm planning to get a whole new laptop or computer.

It cost's a lot but if I ask Santa for one maybe I'll get one, he he. I do believe in Santa, not like what you think, in my family my mom never told me there was a Santa nor did she tell me there isn't a Santa but she did tell me that Santa was a man that gave and was a great man. She mainly focuses Christmas on Christ, who I truly believe in.

I love Christmas and what I want for Christmas is a new Laptop or computer so I can full fill my dreams in doing my book get it publish and sign it to children all around the world. Probably won't happen but I can dream about it. I do miss doing my comics and such I really would like to work on my tablet again, I never told my friend who got for me about it for she might flip out and get me a new laptop...wait? I should totally do that! No, she's not rich I can't ask her to do that. She already spent so much to get the tablet for me it's not fair to ask her for a laptop.

This video is super short but right to the point.

Circle

I have been thinking a lot, about life, like what the heck are we doing? I am from a religious background and I do believe in a God that created this earth and we are his children, his plan for us here on earth is a mystery to me, but I don't question about it too much for I have faith that everything will be alright. Or will it...

With my postpartum depression, I'm dealing sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, for once I am in that tunnel it hard to crawl out of it and I'm sure it's something you have to deal with it too. Everyone has a story, everyone had some tragic happen in their life, and you are probably still dealing with it like I am today.

I love my children, I would do anything for them, but everyone needs a break. With my postpartum I get to the point where I can't take care of my children anymore I'm too mad and start to tear things apart. Which my hubby never likes, so he tries his best to help out by taking the kids for me or going out on a date with me this comic I did is based by a true event.

I just made a video about how to draw a circle and the shape circle has been inspiring to me lately. 

I hope you enjoy it.

Ugh

So my laptop is dead... it won’t work at all and it’s a big bummer idk what to do now. I hurt my knee and have two kids to watch and all I can think about is drawing. But I can’t. For my laptop won’t turn on, it’s a big bummer.

I’m doing this post on my phone and it’s not the greatest but I want to continue on my blogging, how can I improve this now, I can’t do my book, I can’t do my animations, what to do?!?!?

I’ve been posting on Instagram and Facebook pencil drawings for that’s all I can do now.

I got more to share but for now I’ll stop here. 

Oh my My Laptop

So if you're wondering why I haven't written a post in a while is because my Laptop would not turn on. Like the screen will stay black, so I just figure out how to get it working again and this really means I can't finish my book by Christmas, I would literally have to do 10 pages a day to catch up and that is not going to happen, sorry I can do so much.

But it was a bummer when it wasn't turning on, it freaked me out cause I don't have the money to buy a new one I mean who does? ...Millionaires, I guess but besides the point I got it working and I am so happy about that I am finally doing so art.

I had some pretty bad postpartum moment on Thanksgiving and that was no fun, especially how we (me and my family) get to stay at this gorgeous cabin own by my brother in law. It was fun eating and playing games but for some reason, I was dealing with an episode that night and just cried in the room we were staying.

Postpartum is just the worst, I'm thinking of doing a video about it to explain what it is for it is just pain, anger, frustration, and so forth. It's like a fire and won't go away unless I run away from everyone and everything I have to do to survive like eating food and water. I mean I like food don't get me wrong, for Thanksgiving my favorite food is pretzel Jello.

Some people say jello is dessert, I think not, it's a fruit salad.

Before my stupid laptop died on me I manage to do some Thanksgiving comics, if you on Instagram or Facebook then you probably have seen these already but here they are again I hope you like them, you can comment below of which one is your favorite.